Get Your Drool Jar Ready - A Very Special Birthday Tribute!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Ms. Pattepoilue, turning 24 today! As you can tell on her blog (if you've read it, good, if not, head over there now! pattepoilue.blogspot.com on another note, follow her on twitter @pattepoilue) she's definitely had some issues with growing older. But with age comes wisdom and all that fun stuff that I'm sure doesn't help one bit. Being a year and a handful of days older than this lovely birthday girl, I have to say, I really wish that vampires were real, or at the very least: public.

Why you ask? Eternal youth and PLENTY of opportunity for fun with drool worthy men. Or at least I'd like to tell myself that.

Anyway, back to the point. Being 24 is not decrepit. No one is going to scream at you and say, "You're pussy's worn out, you nasty bitch!" (Yes, I have heard that before from a neighbor fighting with his girlfriend.)NO! Of course not. Of course all women hope that guys are more tactful than that.

Just because she's still in school and living at home with her parents is nothing to scoff at. I think it's a good thing that her parents are willing to keep her while she finishes school - believe me every penny counts when you're a student. And take it from me, I worked full time and lived with my hubb'n for 90% of my Undergraduate FULL-TIME career. It wasn't easy to do all that, believe me.

So, enough of WHY being 24 is still a good thing. Lets get to the goods. Ever since I started asking my #1 Fan/BFF/fill-in-the-blank-here what she wanted for her birthday, she said a "naked man". Well, my dear, I'm hoping to top that. Short of purchasing you an actual naked man, I think this is MUCH better. We've now graduated to Drool-Worthy men. Not nekked, unfortunately, because it's bad enough I've said pussy and bitch in the same post so far.

So, feast your eyes (and I mean FEAST) on these lovely men. Stare at your heart's content.

Wishing you a very happy Birthday this year, Pattepoilue. Enjoy!

I give you Mr. Gerard Butler

Most notably for his role in 300, he's definitely been around. The Ugly Truth and P.S. I Love You really helps put this drool-worthy man on our list.

Leather!!

I can think of a few things that would make that wall very useful...

Alex O'Loughlin

Take a bite out of crime.... nom nom nom..

Are your knees weak yet? No? Try this on for size: Stephen Moyer

Alexander Skarsgard...

Keanu Reeves

Johnny Depp...

Eric Bana

How's that drool jar coming along?

Robert Downey, Jr.

Are you still standing?

I could go on and on. And on. And on. But that will take a very VERY long time. I hope you've enjoyed the small sampling of the goodies out there that you can fill your drool jar up with in the matter of moments.

I really hope you have a great day! Happy Birthday Pattepoilue!

Good News Everyone!

Alright, I've got my outline done for the first book of The Earthen Witch Series. I've actually had it done for a few weeks, but life kept getting in the way from actually getting it fully written out.

I was finally able to get a good large chunk of time writing yesterday, about 5-6 hours total, I wasn't counting. I have to tell you, I have a long way to go. The best part is that I'm having a blast!

I managed, in my decent sized time slot, to get about 7,000 words completed! Many writers shoot for 1,000 a day! I was very pleasantly suprised at how useful my outline has become.

I know Connor and Aisling from the inside out, and I know who they meet and know along their journey and I couldn't be happier that I know what's going on before I get there. Sure, I may find something I want to add that wasn't already in my outline, but I definitely found that having that outline out and at my disposal, I would have completely forgotten some significant parts!

So in essentially 2 days of outlining (about 500 words or so) I managed to mash out 4 chapters and 7,000 words. To give you a bit of an idea, I outlined for roughly a month, some more detailed than others. I'm not a math genious--hence being a writer--but I'm guessing this book is going to be a very nice length! I would say, probably 100,000 or perhaps more, depending on how much detail I actually provide.

Here's my goals with this draft, my ultimate plot-to-destroy-the-world-Pinky plan! I'm going to work my hardest to get as much time as I can during the week, even if it's only for an hour, every bit of time counts. During the weekends, if I actually don't get lazy and decide to watch a movie (which I'm promising myself I'm not gonna do!), I'm planning on *crosses fingers* another 5-6 hours on BOTH Saturdays and Sundays. So based on my non-analytical brain workin' math, if I did about 7,000 words in that 6 hours, I did just over 1,000 words per hour.

So let's do the math here. Working 1 hour every night Monday through Friday = 5,000 words, and another 7,000 words on each weekend day which would equal 14,000 words. Week days till Christmas: 13 (I'm counting Christmas Eve as a weekend day); Weekend days till Christmas: 5.

Crapz! I'm only at 55,000 words! That would MAYBE get me halfway through. So much for trying to get everything done by Christmas. Never fear! I will work my hardest and get done ASAP. If I'm not done by Christmas, I will be done soon after that because I'm on vacation until January 4th! WOOT!

I'll keep you guys posted on my progress! Wish me luck! Are you excited yet?

This is actually very disturbing when you think about it.

In light of the New Moon phase, I give you this!

Wow. Is this possible ;)

This is funny on so many levels.

Important Notice to Comment Leavers :)

**Update**
Notice to those leaving comments NOT in English: I've figured out how to translate, and I'm going to be frank with you. Stop spamming my blog. If I find you're spamming, I'm deleting. Simple as that.

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your gracious comments. It really helps show that my blog isn't collecting cobwebs throughout the webverse out there.

Now, on to business. Those of you leaving comments that aren't using the English alphabet, I'd love to respond to your messages, but I've no idea how to translate your comments to be able to do so! If you would like a response from me, please translate and repost! Otherwise I'll just leave them be.

So those of you out there who may be reading my blog but not commenting, please feel free. We won't bite. Much. :) I look forward to hearing from you.

Don't I know it!

Pattepoilue can attest to this statement on both ends!!

Some Funny Holiday Cheer

Company Memos

I received this as a forwarded message, so I don't know it's origination, but I thought it was WAY too funny to not share it with you! Read on for a hilarious holiday laugh!


Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 16, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM . Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 17, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 18, 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: November 19, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: November 20, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: November 23, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Slow Hands by Leslie Kelly

I liked this one too, go figure right? This story has a little bit of Christmas spirit in it! Read on for more!

Madeline Turner, or Maddy as her friends call her, is set out on a mission by her sister Tabitha to stop their stepmother from "winning" a gigolo from a Christmas for Kids Charity auction event.

The problem is that Jake Wallace is not the gigolo, as his profile says, he's a paramedic, but no one knows that. He sees a beauty behind the curtains. So when the bidding war begins he prays to the heavens and the universe for the beauty who's name he's yet to find out to bid on him and win. When some elder rich debutantes begin a bidding war over him, she shouts out 25 thousands dollars, winning the bet.

As she tries to get out of the building before he finds her, she practically runs in to him noticing her uncontrollable attraction to him. He is relentless, but he knows how to talk to women and make them feel desired, since he's a professional.

He doesn't understand her stand-offishness, but tries nonetheless. Eventually he gets her attention and she succumbs to his whims. So when she pushes him away after the realization that she slept with a gigolo she kicks him out. Her sister convinces her, since she cannot deny she has feelings for him, to buy him exclusively for a month. He agrees to the proposition, afraid if he said no she's turn him away without being able to tell her the truth about being a paramedic.

But what will happen if he tells her?

Ahh, the joy of quickie reads like this. I enjoy them muchly!

Kiss Me Deadly (Book 1 of the Bewitching the Dark Series) by Michele Hauf

This is an amazing story about mortal enemies: vampires and witches. Ravin Crosse is a witch, and for centuries witches have had an immense protection spell against vampires. Their blood. Just a drop will reduce a vampire to dust, rather quickly. Ravin is a hunter, her life's mission to rid the world of as many vampires as she can before she dies. She's so serious about her profession that she loans out her soul to the devil Himself so she can have the Sight. The sight enables Ravin to see vampires for who they are, thus allowing her to steer clear of mortals.

One unfortunate night Nikolaus Drake, leader of his own tribe, was having a meeting with his fellow vampires in an alley. Ravin attacked, using an arsenal of blood-tipped bullets, bringing many of his friends down immediately. He tries to help a mortal that was with them, struck by a bullet. As he dodges behind a dumpster a bullet hits the wall behind him and he's hit with blood. He turns to his mortal friend, apologises, and feeds, hoping against hope that he could survive. His heart stops and yet he keeps drinking. Will he survive?

He does. And while he's on the slow road to recovery for months, his anger brews against the witch, and he vows to get her and make her pay. He's different now, he came back from the dead, again, and he's now a very special kind of vampire, a phoenix. He has survived a witch's blood, meaning the rules no longer apply when it comes to being invited in her home, and her protection spells and wards are also nothing to a phoenix.

As Nikolaus prepares to attack, Ravin is making a love spell, as one of her 3 reqirements of Himself to regain her soul. In their initial struggle, the love spell spills over Ravin, entering her blood stream. Since he's now a phoenix he can drink her blood, and he did, immediately realizing he made such a fatal mistake by hurting the one he loves.

As time passes they become very involved with one another, but then what happens when the spells breaks?

I really hope you read this story, it was really, really, hmm hmm good, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this series as well.

Hotter After Midnight by Cynthia Eden

I. Really. Liked. This. Book. It was a fantastic mix of suspense, mystery, romance, and some good old ADULT fun. That's right kiddies, you need to wait a few years for this one.

This tale follows Colin Gyth, police detective, working a very interesting murder case which he fears the perpetrator may be a shifter. The killer has a strange MO, the surveillance cameras showed a man, yet the body looked as if it were severely mutilated by a wolf, a very large wolf. Colin is also a shifer, but nothing like this crazed killer. He's also very guarded about the animal that lives within him as well. Only his leutenant on the force knows that he is of the Other, but he doesn't know for sure just what Colin is.

Dr. Emily Drake, a.k.a. Monster Doctor, is the go to lady for all those Other out there who are in need of some therapy and guidance. She's very guarded as she's not technically an Other she can most definitely sense them, and she can tell what kind of Other they are. She can't tell what kind of shifter may be standing in front of her like with Colin, but she knows if they're a shifter. Follow? Good.

Colin is sent by his leutenant to get Dr. Drake. They both suspected a shifter was the guy and they needed Dr. Drake to come look at the scene to give them more information. Colin has a significant reaction to seeing Emily for the first time and while Emily is very cautious of him because of the warnings she's had about shifters, she does feel the attraction too.

She signs on as official profiler for a serial killer they know is a shifter, but they can't seem to find out who. As Emily and Colin get more in to each other the killer starts to taunt them. Colin is faced with finding the killer and protecting the woman both he and the animal within him want to desperately protect.

Loved it! I suggest you read it! Awesomeness!

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving

This story is a lot shorter than I remember it being when I was a kid. Although the story is still good, I wish Mr. Irving would have made this story longer. Though he followed the tale of Ichobad Crane’s “life” that ended the story with an encounter with the headless horseman that seriously eluded to the dirtbag by the name of Abraham "Brom Bones" Van Brunt being responsible and not the mythical headless horseman.

Though it was good and I highly recommend everyone read this story, it is quite short, easy to read because it’s very conversational too.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

This book was alright. It has its fantasy attributes but Alice was just so dense! She had no respect for the creatures around her, always talking about her cat or some animal that was a major predator to the creatures in this Wonderland.

Alice never seemed to learn her lesson either, or change in some significant way. Usually in a story the main character goes through some sort of transition, which makes the whole thing worth reading/watching/hearing/what have you. Alice didn’t change, she was the same person through the whole thing and just when the creatures descended on her to presumably carry out the “off with her head” order, her sister wakes her up from a dream.

Maybe this is better served as a story for kids to read.

The Christmas Lamp by Lori Copeland

Ok I wasn't a huge fan of this. BUT it's not to say that this was a bad book! It was good for what it was. This novella follows the story of Roni and Jake. Nativity, Missouri is failing and Jake is brought in to help save the town. What he wasn't expecting was falling for Roni.

Nativity is big on Xmas and they didn't like the fact that Jake came in to take it away from them, as they were spending too much money on it. This also had a lot of religious themes to it as well, which I prefer when that stuff is left out. But I digress.

It's a nice heartwarming tale of love during the Christmas season. It reminded me of a Nicholas Sparks book. I suggest if you're looking for some light reading that you check this book out.

Understood (Book 1 of the Unbroken Series) by Maya Banks

Jake and Ellie. These two are quite a pair. Former football star, Jake, is in love with Ellie, has been for a long time. Ellie just doesn't know it yet. He's given her time to get over her ex, after that disturbing period in her life he was giving her the space she needed. But one night she gets drunk and gets brave, going to a bar to try to find someone to take her home. Jake sees her and does a double take. He can't handle the idea of her being with anyone but him. It's been long enough.

I really like this story. Ellie has to get beyond her brutal history with her ex-husband to finally be with Jake, the man she loves. She's just afraid of what that mean's and what it'll do to her.

Read it!! It was amazing. It even has a nice Christmas thing to it, definitely fits the season! Oh and, uh, this is an ADULT book, so no kiddies allowed!!

Shadowland (Book 3 of the Immortals Series) by Alyson Noel

Damen and Ever are back again in the aftermath of Roman's wake. But unfortunately Roman is not done. Damen is cursed and if he comes into physical contact with Ever, be it brush of the hand or lips, he would plunge into the Shadowland, a place where all immortals go when their souls have nowhere else to go. In their desperate search to find a cure, Roman starts playing games again. But the entrance of Jude into Ever's life sends everything spiraling out of control. She's drawn to Jude like she's never been drawn to anyone but Damen. Before long she's going to be forced to make the most painful decision of her life.

I really like this series. At times Ever can definitely seem a bit naiive and she tends to act a bit rashly. She knows Roman is bad, yet she is so desperate that she's willing to trust him. But nonetheless, I still like it and I highly suggest it to everyone out there looking for a bit of a change from the usual vampire lore.

The Wild's Call (Prequel to the Aspect of the Crow Trilogy) by Jeri Smith-Ready

This short story follows Elysia and Darien after the fall of civilization. As the world falls into a new Dark Age, it Elysia and Darien are being plagued by animal spirits. Fox for Elysia, Bear for Darien. After a series of unfortunate events they set out to the wilderness the spirits have called them to. Their destiny with each other and the future of mankind hangs in the balance.

I really liked this and I'm looking forward to reading the Aspect of the Crow trilogy as soon as I actually have some time to do so! I highly recommend you read it. Another really cool perk that means you should do this NOW? It's completely free on Amazon as an ebook. Read it on your Kindle, your iPhone, or your computer.

Go to http://www.jerismithready.com/ for more information about Smith-Ready and her other books that are available. You can also catch her twittering about as @jsmithready!